My younger self did not envision “future me” as a single parent of a 22-year-old young woman who is freshly graduated from college. This year, I went from empty nester to post-empty nester at 45 years old.

I became a single mother at the tender age of 22. I was raised in the generation of latch-key kids and had way too much freedom and independence at a young age. I was born in the city of San Salvador,  El Salvador, and my family was forced out of our country due to the violent civil war. We came to the U.S. with very little and had to leave everything behind– our house, our comfort, life as we knew it. I was just 5 years old at the time, but it was still a huge culture shock to live with strangers  in poverty. My mother was a single mother herself and worked tirelessly to put a roof over our head and food on the table. My two brothers were much older than I, and they married and were out of the house by the time I was 10 years old.

I started working at the age of 16 to help with my cost of living. I’ve always loved to work and often worked two jobs and went to school. But becoming a mother was not something I was prepared for financially, emotionally, mentally, or in any other way. Terrified as I was, I made a choice, and stood by it. I didn’t know how, but I knew I was making the right decision. Raising a child on my own turned out to be hands down the hardest thing I have ever done and the most fulfilling. The love I have for my daughter cannot be put into words. She is a kind, loving and exceptional human being, and being her mother is the best thing that has happened to me.

We have been through so much together, residing in a tiny single apartment barely making ends meet when she was little. But we were happy. There was joy. There was laughter. There was so much love.

Finances were tough, though. I didn’t know what investing was, and there was no foundation of financial knowledge passed on by my family. It didn’t exist. There was the belief in working hard, paying your bills in a responsible way, saving what you could, and that’s it. While those are good things, I wish I had known about the stock market, compound interest, Roth IRAs, high yield savings accounts, 401Ks and all the helpful financial knowledge that exists. I wish I had known about using credit cards responsibly, how interest rates work, the difference between good and bad debt, and the student loan trap. In 2013, I was given the opportunity to step into financial services, and my world opened up. I was fascinated with this industry and wanted to learn all about it. I started to learn about stocks and bonds, trading, and everything in between. I have always loved working with people and serving people in the best way I can, so I applied those skills in my new role.

My daughter graduated high school in 2020 as part of the generation that didn’t have prom or a formal graduation due to COVID. The college process was a daunting one. There was so much advice (not always solicited), so much competition, and an endless array of applications, acceptance letters, rejections, and so on. It was a grueling and stressful process-often very overwhelming.

If you are in this process now, I’d like to offer you some advice based on personal experience– listen to your child, ask them what they want and pay attention to how they learn best. The best path for them may not be an ivy league school, and that’s okay. They can still be highly successful people without an ivy league education. If an ivy league education is the best thing for them, then by all means take that route. For those who don’t get that opportunity, please know that IT’S OKAY. You will be okay. The most important thing in life is to find your own meaning and purpose, and everyone is made and shaped in a unique way, with different gifts and talents to offer the world. We are all on our own unique journey in this life.

Here are 10 things I learned during my personal empty nesting journey:

• Do what's best for you and your family, and don't make decisions that will put you and your family in financial distress.
• Don't be afraid to think outside the box and look at options you had not considered.
• Remember life isn't static- it's ever-changing, and as humans, we are always evolving.
• Empty nesting is a very personal experience, and we all experience it differently. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to be happy. It's okay to be both. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up and work through your emotions with kindness and grace. Hold space for all.
• Be there for your child. If they need you to be there for them until they get settled and build their own community, be there for them and love them through the process. Encourage them. Let them know how proud you are of them.
• Coming home to an empty house was hard for me at first. The silence was too much at times. I worked through my emotions with kindness and empathy and when I was ready, I focused on my own personal growth.
• Time goes by fast. Enjoy the journey. They will graduate before you know it.
• Go on date nights with your spouse, connect with friends, volunteer more, join a book club, or do things you have been putting off.
• Every stage in life comes with its joys and sorrows. Be kind to yourself.
• Take good care of you.

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